SECRET DIRTY SANTA (A Reverse Harem Christmas Tale Book 1) Page 3

  In previous years, Matthias didn't have to attend because he wasn't a part of the Secret Santa exchange. If he did stop by, it was only for the speech and then he'd be off to some luxurious, seven-star hotel party with various celebrities and wealthy individuals, where he could grow his connections.

  "No need. You're a very hard worker, Elle, and I'd like you to enjoy the party as well. I've looked into hiring someone temporarily to assist with the planning of the party. They'll get a few volunteers to help with the setup, and if anything, I can get Jenica to assist. I'll most likely need you for other planning. Once I figure out the details, I'll call you back to my office."

  "Are you sure?" I asked, feeling a little stunned.

  "Positive," he replied. "That was all that I needed from you. Go about the rest of your morning."

  "Thank you, sir." I rose up and bowed my head slightly, a habit of mine I had yet to break. I knew it wasn't something most non-Asian Americans did, but it seemed to please Matthias. Catching a quick glimpse at his face, I could see the approval in those soul-sucking eyes that sent pleasurable tingles through me. Every single time.

  I turned around and headed for the door, my heels clicking against the surface of the tiles. I reached the door and decided to take one last glance at Matthias, who most likely had returned to his reports. Looking over my shoulder, I noticed the complete opposite of what I'd thought: Matthias's lust-filled eyes were checking out my ass and they slowly lifted to lock onto mine.

  Without giving my feelings away, I gave him a charming smile. "Have an amazing day, sir. If you need me, don't hesitate to call for me."

  "I'll keep that in mind, Elle," he replied, and it took everything in me not to gush over how amazingly erotic his voice was, especially when saying my actual name.

  With that, I left the room, closing the door quietly behind me. With a few calming breaths, I stared at the floor, noticing how fast my heart was beating against my chest and the slight throbbing between my legs.

  Sharing the office with your sexy boss is hard as fuck.

  "Oh shit! Condoms at The Dollar Store?! Girl, hold my basket. My booty finding you some Trojan XL for your man."

  "YumYum! Can you not talk so loudly?! The children’s aisle is literally the next one over," I snarled, looking to make sure there were no families around.

  YumYum brushed me off and I knew she didn't care who heard her. Not like they had a choice. YumYum’s normal voice was loud enough.

  "Oh, please. Not my fault The Dollar Store decided to have preventative measures next to the children’s toy section. It's the perfect business strategy." She flicked her now-pink hair, having decided the bright wig matched her new outfit.

  I watched her pick up a box of condoms and tear it open. "YumYum! You can't open them if you're not buying them!"

  "Uh. How am I supposed to know if it really is XL? I'm sorry, but they better not think this tiny-ass thing is going to fit them 7- and 8-inchers. God, what happens when a guy is bigger than that? See?" She held up the pink condom and dangled it. "This thing is so thin it won't prevent shit. One thrust and BOOM, done."

  I just gawked at her and my eyes widened when a little kid walked up to her.

  "Hi, pink-haired lady. Can I play with the balloon?" the girl asked with bright eyes. YumYum smiled and knelt down to her level. "Sure."

  "Thank you!" The kid took the condom from YumYum's hand and ran away.

  "YumYum!" I exclaimed.

  Oh God, I'm going to hell.

  She shrugged. "What was I supposed to do? Say no and listen to the hymns of an unsatisfied child who wants the condom balloon?"

  "What if the parents come here?!"

  "Oh." YumYum took a moment to think about it. She picked up the open box and threw it over the wall into the children’s aisle. "There. Evidence destroyed."

  "This is exactly why I don't take you shopping." I exhaled, giving up on scolding her.

  It would just lead to one of those 'I'm Right, You're Wrong' conversations. I hadn't had enough coffee to handle her savagery today.

  "First of all, you LOVE shopping with me. Second of all, you knew what was coming when you decided to ask me over Jenica to go Secret Santa shopping. Jenica's the mature, responsible one. She'd find you the right condom pack," YumYum stressed as she returned to looking at the boxes of condoms. "Oh, snap. Is that Oreo-flavored? Damn."

  "I'm gonna die from embarrassment," I replied and began walking ahead to avoid anyone thinking YumYum and I were even friends at this point.

  We were at The Dollar Store figuring out little things to pick up for Matthias’s Secret Santa gift. With a thirty-five-dollar spending limit, there weren't many options to choose from anywhere else. A bottle of cologne that didn't smell like cheap AXE spray was a standard sixty dollars or more, and my morning reports that allowed me to be in close proximity to Matthias proved he already had an array of cologne for every day of the week.

  Maybe a different one for every day of the entire month.

  When I'd gotten home from work and mentioned my need to find something for the party, she took it upon herself to bring me to the best place: The Dollar Store.

  * * *

  I noticed YumYum pass me, two packs of Oreo condoms in her hand. "I can't believe you're actually getting those."

  "You need to rephrase that. YOU are getting those for your little goodie bag of sex must-haves for your sexy boss who's going to enjoy watching you suck his hard—"

  "Yumo! The children," I huffed.

  She rolled her eyes and continued. "Hard lollipop that will taste like Oreos. Let's admit it, you're not even going to use these. They’re just to show that you actually like protected sex."

  I slapped my hand against my face. "Never again am I asking for your advice."

  "Uh-huh. Give you twenty-four hours and—ohhh. This unicorn is cute." She drifted away to the unicorn section and I just shook my head. "Well, at least we're getting somewhere."

  I followed YumYum as she grabbed a unicorn paperweight and continued to look for things to add to my Secret Santa goodie bag.

  "Condoms check, plastic handcuffs check, mask check, lube check."

  "I swear you're just talking loudly on purpose," I grumbled.

  "You're correct. I like embarrassing you. Anyways, how was work today? No one got fired? The WhatsApp chat has been buzzing over Matthias being a part of Secret Santa. They're already trying to figure out who got him."

  "How would they figure that out?" I asked.

  "The same way we figure out how our man is cheating on us. We start an investigation! Pull some little strings here, check some camera footage there, a quick exchange of text messages, and I can easily narrow it down to five individuals," YumYum explained and reached out for a mini bottle of chocolate syrup. I arched an eyebrow at her and she grinned, reaching out to grab a strawberry one. "You’re lucky whipped cream has to be in the fridge."

  "I bet you’re wild in the sheets," I voiced.

  "I'm tame unless you make me impatient. Now let's see how long it takes for me to have a quickie with Devyn."

  "You two broke up," I pointed out.

  "Minor details." YumYum brushed it off like it was nothing. "If I tell him there are Oreo condoms, I'm sure we'll think of an agreement."

  "You said Devyn hates condoms."

  "Every guy hates them, but what's better? A blow job that leads to sex, or masturbating? If he wants THIS, he will let me enjoy my Oreo lollipop fantasy and I'll ride him like a bull."

  My ears picked up on the quiet laughter that came from a few steps away from where YumYum was; two elderly women were laughing away.

  Ugh. Poor elderly.

  YumYum looked in the direction of the laughter and smiled.

  "There's Oreo-flavored condoms in aisle four," she whispered, which was basically a hint lower than YumYum's normal voice volume.

  The elderly women cracked up and nodded, patting each other's backs as they pointed forward.

  "YumYum, you ar
e such a bad influence."

  "Not even. See, I made their day. Everyone should enjoy Oreos, no matter what form. Now, how was your day again?"

  "Good, I think," I replied, remembering my conversation with Matthias this morning.

  "You think?"

  "Uh...well. I got called into the office to see Matthias," I explained.

  "Why?"

  "He wants me to step aside and let some new person and some volunteers assist with the party planning and give me some free time, I think?"

  "Free time to do what?" YumYum asked.

  "He said he wants me for other planning."

  "Other?" YumYum stopped midway from grabbing an Oh Henry! bar from the rack. "Other, as in?"

  "I don't know."

  "You don't know because you were too focused on what a sexy snack he is to listen, OR you actually don't know."

  I rolled my eyes for the tenth time today and crossed my arms. "I don't know because he said he'd let me know the details and call me back into his office."

  YumYum pouted and stood straight. She tapped her chin with the end of the chocolate peanut bar and a sly grin formed on her lips. "He wants you."

  "How do you even get to these conclusions?"

  "Every year for as long as my booty has known you, you've always been in charge of the Christmas party and Secret Santa. This year he's changing it up. Why? He's clearly not firing you or your ass would have been gone like yesterday. Let me guess, was he staring at your plump booty when you were leaving?"

  My face grew hot and I glanced away, unsure whether to answer her or not.

  Not like it matters.

  "AH HA! Mr. CEO is intrigued by my bestie." YumYum beamed and walked up to me. I looked back at her as she patted my shoulder in reassurance. "Don't worry, Elle. You have my blessing. I'll make sure no one gets in the way of you and your man."

  "He's not mine."

  "Not yet, but let me pull some strings." YumYum began to hum as she walked toward the exit where the cashiers were lined up.

  I quickly followed her, knowing that if YumYum got involved in anything, chances were she would get exactly what she wanted.

  "What are you plotting, you evil villain?"

  "Evil Mastermind, sweetie. Let YumYum Hookup Extraordinaire take care of your needs. I'll have you strapped up against a b—mhmmm." I didn't let her finish, covering her mouth when we reached the register; the kid she'd given the condom to glared at us as she lifted her finger to point at YumYum.

  "Mom! She's the one who gave me the balloon!"

  YumYum looked over to the mother, who looked like she was about to blow a fuse, and YumYum immediately lifted her hand in a ‘stop’ sign.

  "First of all, I don't know who your kid is. Second of all, don't go glaring at me like I'm the cause of your hundred problems, because this girl right here has a thousand and one and you don't want me laying that upon you. As you can see, we're minding our own business. Let's leave it at that." She dismissed them and turned right back to the cashier. "Hi, this will be all and I'll be paying by Visa."

  I slowly looked at the mother, child, and cashier that was serving her, all of them appearing confused. It took me a few seconds to realize YumYum hadn't spoken a word of English, but French.

  "Uh, sorry. She doesn't speak fluent English. My friend was looking for balloons and she was checking an open box to see if it was it. Your child asked for the balloon and my friend wasn't paying attention and didn't want her to cry. I apologize on her behalf."

  "Oh. Alright. Very sorry for the confusion," the mother announced, taking the bag from the cashier and grabbing her child's hand. They turned around and headed to the exit. "I told you not to ask strangers to give you stuff! I could have embarrassed us over nothing."

  "Was that so hard, YumYum?" I stressed. YumYum grabbed the bag and smiled.

  "Merci beaucoup!" she said to the cashier and hooked her arm around mine.

  It wasn't until we reached outside before she answered. "Yes! Did you not see her hairstyle? She’s the kind of mom who’s ready to tell you her kid's whole life story and try to bring your ass to news station to get money. No, thanks. Her child’s fault for asking me for a condom."

  "She asked for a balloon!"

  "A condom is basically a balloon for adults. Did you know if you want to make an emergency catheter you can totally use the condom as the balloon to keep the tube inside the pen—"

  "Alright. I know you're not going to apologize, so let's give up on the Nursing 101 facts that are probably not true." I shook my head in hopelessness. "Wait, why did you buy my stuff for me?"

  "It was part of the alibi. Plus, I like contributing. Now, in return, you can buy me drinks tonight."

  "Where are we going? And that sounds more like an exchange than a contribution," I noted.

  "To the bar tonight! We gotta celebrate you getting a man. Alcohol helps me think of diabolical plans and I like exchanges. No harm in that."

  "I have no man, and alcohol makes you crazy and helps you write good sex scenes. That's it."

  "I'm already crazy, my dear bestie. You should know that by now. Not going any further than this." YumYum winked and began to skip ahead, pulling her phone out. "I'm setting up an Uber for tonight and I already have the perfect outfits in mind. Oh FYI, I ordered your Christmas party dress and got a good deal on some Jeffree Star ruby red lipstick with sparkles. I added one of his black mirrors and makeup bags because I know you don't have that yet."

  "You really like spoiling me."

  "You buy me alcohol and make sure I eat every day. I make sure your makeup collection is on point and you look more flawless than Beyoncé herself."

  I laughed and gave her a wide grin. "At least you make all of this fun."

  "That's my duty as your friend. The world has enough serious people. We need to enjoy life more and live to the fullest, even if it means giving kids condoms."

  "What if you were a mom and someone handed your kid a condom and said it was a balloon?"

  "I'd snatch their wig off and cuss them out," she replied immediately and shrugged. "No one playing with my kids."

  I wonder if she hears herself...

  "Aww, don't give me that 'my friend is psycho' look. You know in year two of nursing school we had to do a psychological exam and your girl came out just fine. Off to the car, and we have to make sure we stop by that sex shop near the club tonight. You need a mini vibrator or two. No, a vibrator and a butt plug!"

  I watched her laugh and skip toward our car and I mentally gave up.

  Yup. My best friend is crazy.

  "YumYum, that's your seventh one. Enough alcohol for the savage unicorn."

  I took the shot from YumYum's hand and her gaze remained where the shot of tequila had been before I took it.

  She slowly looked my way with puppy eyes.

  "But...but…" She literally looked like she would cry at any moment.

  Nope. No ugly crying from YumYum today.

  "Oh, don't give me those eyes. Ugh, fine. Get drunk. I'm calling Devyn to pick your ass up." I exhaled, unable to resist any longer. She beamed and took the glass from my hand, gulping it down in one smooth movement. She exhaled and giggled.

  "Ah, that burn is so addicting."

  "She's a goner," I replied, uncrossing my legs to slide off the stool. "I need to call Jenica real quick. Can you assure me you're not going to disappear?"

  "I'll be a good unicorn and sit RIGHT here," YumYum replied with an exaggerated nod.

  Lord, help her.

  "Alright. Stay. I'll be back." I rushed to a quieter spot in the hall near the bathrooms and pulled out my phone.

  Before I could even dial his number, Devyn's name popped up on my screen as my phone began to vibrate.

  Perfect timing.

  "Hey, Devyn."

  "Evening, Elle. How drunk is she?"

  "Seeing as you called me, I'm assuming she started drunk texting you."

  "Yup. I have a good impression she's one point away
from being wasted. I'm two minutes away. I was calling to see if you had company. I didn't want to take YumYum and leave you," Devyn explained. A smile formed on my lips.

  I knew that even though the two of them were constantly on and off, usually because of YumYum's indecisiveness and Devyn's own commitment issues, they really loved each other. I thought it would just come down to both of them sitting down and talking it out.

  Though it was hard to keep YumYum sitting down long enough. Unless she was writing, of course.

  In Devyn’s voice, I could hear both worry and compassion for his now-drunk savage unicorn, and I was moved by the fact he was driving over to pick her up rather than waiting for me to call.

  "I'll be fine. I can get an Uber in less than a minute around these parts. I was going to call one of my coworkers and ask if she's done with work anyway. I'll be fine."

  "You sure? I can just drive you back."

  "Your place is the complete opposite of ours, and seeing as how much YumYum drank, I think it's best if she's with you. Her hangover is going to kick her ass."

  "That's true…alright. If you'll be safe and make sure you text me when you're in an Uber and on the way home, I'll be fine with it. Don't need YumYum murdering me because I didn't make sure her best friend wasn't safe. I'm just finding a parking spot and I'll be there," Devyn replied.

  "Thanks, Devyn."

  "No problem, Elle." He hung up the phone and I quickly dialed Jenica's number and walked back to check on YumYum. I sighed in relief when I saw she was sitting there looking as happy as ever with a glass of orange juice in her hands. Once YumYum was wasted she became an orange juice addict. I had no idea where she stored all the liquid because my bladder would have been bursting by now with the amount she had gulped down this evening.

  "Felton Corporation, Jenica speaking,"

  "Hey, Jenica! It's Elle," I responded with a happy voice. "How are things going?"

  "Oh, swell. Can you remind me why I'm still at work at ten in the evening? Unbelievable. I've spent the entire day dealing with the new girl that Matthias hired as our temporary Christmas party planner. Lord send his divine angels to help us."